I lost my way for a while. Not going to South Africa this winter caused me a lack of focus for the winter months. Instead I obsessed with getting a camper so I could comfortably travel in the warmer Southwest. And I sat a lot in the desert, not doing or going too much, or at least not every day. Waiting. Seems I do that a lot, waiting. Online waiting for FB. Waiting for parts. Waiting for, sometimes I don’t know what. I lost my way for a while. Adjusting to the lack of direction. Feeling on the edge of anxiety, what to do, where to GO. Not life threatening mind you. Not for the first time in my life. Has this happened to you along life’s journey?
Then one day, amongst all the quiet, my shoulders relaxed as a sign of released tension. Throughout the next several days I truly concentrated on the joys of life, acknowledging each experience with a smile. Over several days the moments of joy became more frequent. I even embraced going to town—not my favorite place to be—for banking and groceries smiling at strangers, and they smiled back. I’ve lost count of the moments and with clearer eyes walk in the desert, a place that seems to struggle to survive, yet that’s so untrue because the life here has adapted to it’s environment, not fought against it. The arid desert requires time and patience with sudden bursts of growth.
Now it feels good, this waiting. Not obsessed with planning, going or doing anything in particular. Pretty much one day at a time. As I left Yarnell, Berta asked how long I’d be gone. I don’t know, whatever it takes. My only commitment starts January 17th outside of Quartzsite meeting friends from various parts of the country where we’ll boondock on the desert and share stories and life.
I can’t just wait for life to happen, but sometimes it feels good to slow down and maybe even stop to access self and look forward.
After a busy summer season of schedules I look forward to downtime and often become a bit of a hermit for a while. Berta usually gives me a week before dragging me happily off to thrift stores with grocery shopping thrown in. Slowly I work into a winter plan, or like the last two years gear up for travels in South Africa. I definitely miss Joan and South Africa and plan to return next winter. Yippee, something to look forward to!
How do you find your way when lost?
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