A friend texts me almost daily, “whatcha’ up to?” And my pat answer is “Five five and shrinking.” I know he just wants to know what I’m doing at the moment in prelude to a possible phone call or extended text.
I haven’t written about what I’m up to in quite a while, so here goes. Photos have been primarily limited to local sunsets. I am thankful for having such a marvelous view at the end of the driveway looking west towards the Weaver Mountains.
I’m feeling done with 2018 and more than eager to see this awful year be over. After more than a year of unemployment I’ve decided I am too young for full-time retirement, financially, mentally, and physically. Even though I like to travel and live on the road, I don’t want to live on the streets next to a tin cup and sign.
I applied for several Southwestern Park Ranger winter jobs and was even referred to a couple along with 100s of others. But no job, competition is steep. I seriously miss this job I’ve identified with for close to 30 years.
Occasionally I drive part way down the Yarnell Hill for a different perspective.
I am thankful, and feel somewhat guilty/undeserving, for a roof over my head with water and electric plus a small car to get around as my pay for care-taking Berta’s place for her daughter. But sadly that doesn’t pay the bills. I am not on social security yet at almost 65 because of substantial increasing income after 66.
I’ve looked into working online from home. Teaching English to kids in China, data entry, and, God forbid, telemarketing. Nothing looks at all enticing. But then neither does working at the local dollar store. Other almost local job possibilities require either a 30 mile drive to Wickenburg or 45 to Prescott. At minimum wage that barely makes sense. I’ve always preferred working to looking for work.
Have applied to 13 national parks for summer work that wouldn’t start until at least April or May. And so I wait.
It’s not like I have nothing to do. Many projects sit on the back burner, waiting for I don’t know what except motivation. Sometimes I just don’t know where the day went. I sit at the computer all day long, switching between the internet with mostly time wasted on Facebook, labeling and/or processing photos, and reading posts and other articles of interest. Suddenly it’s getting dark. Where did the day go?
Even caught sunrise one morning, a rare occurrence for me.
It’s been below freezing at night so the scorpions are hibernating. After a couple weeks of not seeing any in the house I’m back to sleeping inside instead of the camper. Sierra likes to curl up with me at night and has readjusted her wake up time to accommodate my biological clock.
It could be time to reinvent myself, create a new story, follow a different path. Yet nothing has reached out and grabbed my attention. I’m missing passion in my life.
Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer Gaelyn Griper. I’ve been holding back the scream on this roller coaster ride for way too many months. I want it to stop and I know I’m the only one that can make that happen but I haven’t figured out what else to do yet. I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy however I am open to suggestions.
Still have 2019 calendars available for $24 including shipping in the USA.
