A friend texts me almost daily, “whatcha’ up to?” And my pat answer is “Five five and shrinking.” I know he just wants to know what I’m doing at the moment in prelude to a possible phone call or extended text.
I haven’t written about what I’m up to in quite a while, so here goes. Photos have been primarily limited to local sunsets. I am thankful for having such a marvelous view at the end of the driveway looking west towards the Weaver Mountains.
I’m feeling done with 2018 and more than eager to see this awful year be over. After more than a year of unemployment I’ve decided I am too young for full-time retirement, financially, mentally, and physically. Even though I like to travel and live on the road, I don’t want to live on the streets next to a tin cup and sign.
I applied for several Southwestern Park Ranger winter jobs and was even referred to a couple along with 100s of others. But no job, competition is steep. I seriously miss this job I’ve identified with for close to 30 years.
Occasionally I drive part way down the Yarnell Hill for a different perspective.
I am thankful, and feel somewhat guilty/undeserving, for a roof over my head with water and electric plus a small car to get around as my pay for care-taking Berta’s place for her daughter. But sadly that doesn’t pay the bills. I am not on social security yet at almost 65 because of substantial increasing income after 66.
I’ve looked into working online from home. Teaching English to kids in China, data entry, and, God forbid, telemarketing. Nothing looks at all enticing. But then neither does working at the local dollar store. Other almost local job possibilities require either a 30 mile drive to Wickenburg or 45 to Prescott. At minimum wage that barely makes sense. I’ve always preferred working to looking for work.
Have applied to 13 national parks for summer work that wouldn’t start until at least April or May. And so I wait.
It’s not like I have nothing to do. Many projects sit on the back burner, waiting for I don’t know what except motivation. Sometimes I just don’t know where the day went. I sit at the computer all day long, switching between the internet with mostly time wasted on Facebook, labeling and/or processing photos, and reading posts and other articles of interest. Suddenly it’s getting dark. Where did the day go?
Even caught sunrise one morning, a rare occurrence for me.
It’s been below freezing at night so the scorpions are hibernating. After a couple weeks of not seeing any in the house I’m back to sleeping inside instead of the camper. Sierra likes to curl up with me at night and has readjusted her wake up time to accommodate my biological clock.
It could be time to reinvent myself, create a new story, follow a different path. Yet nothing has reached out and grabbed my attention. I’m missing passion in my life.
Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer Gaelyn Griper. I’ve been holding back the scream on this roller coaster ride for way too many months. I want it to stop and I know I’m the only one that can make that happen but I haven’t figured out what else to do yet. I’m not writing this to elicit sympathy however I am open to suggestions.
Still have 2019 calendars available for $24 including shipping in the USA.
Hello Gaelyn, I am so sorry to hear you are still looking for work ,it must be so frustrating especially with your knowledge and experience as a Ranger I would have thought there was plenty of work to be passed onto you. It seems everywhere there are cut backs. Anyway I hope something turns up real soon. I can’t think of anything else that you could do online than you are already doing. If I do I will certainly let you know. Love these photo’s especially the superb sunsets. Take care
Thanks Rita. It is frustrating to look for work especially in a retirement town of 600 people. Plus the season is wrong for Ranger work.
Sounds like something has to change. And as the old Chinese proverb says, the most difficult step in a journey is the first one. You have several talents (writer, photographer, care giver, teacher, website manager, etc). Perhaps you could use them in a different area (e.g, part time office manger, local school, college, volunteer). I’ll pray that something presents itself to you.
Jim
Thanks Jim. I need to take that step.
You don’t sound like Gaelyn Griper to me, you sound frustrated and I don’t blame you. I am astounded that you cannot go back to the North Rim and with your years of experience cannot find anything else. Do they really not give preference to former employees? Your photographs don’t show your understandable frustration. They are really wonderful. I think I see some of the same sorts of clouds and light that you do but my pictures are never as terrific. Love the one with rows of “shadow mountains” and the one of you. What a great selfie. Would you consider contacting state parks in some state you’d like to be in? They seem to hire a lot of people every year.
I have applied to the North Rim for summer yet with so many other applications there is no guarantee any more. Plus I’m might be ready for some place new. I have looked into state parks and even applied to a few but the pay sucks. Thank you, glad you like the sunset shots. I recommend you play with your camera settings more for bright shots because otherwise you are a wonderful photographer.
The only thing I can suggest, which is not possible, is to become younger. The previous comments all speak to your experience but that was gained over those 30 years. Now the 30 years are working against you.
I found out that I was over qualified for most of the jobs I applied for after turning 50. So it was not age discrimination, but at your age it happens they just call it by a different name.
I love that suggestion Ed and have been working on that for at least 40 years. Nothing like being over qualified to flip burgers.
I don’t have any answers for your dilemma. But when my “wheels” get to spinning and I feel like the rut is getting too deep, “movement,” to the extent I’m worn out, helps clear the noise. If you are like most, after an hour or two, new ideas begin to emerge while walking or hiking. Mood elevates. Outlook becomes more positive. Perspective comes into focus.
It’s not a cure…just a helpful treatment that’s gets you away from the computer and is good for you at the same time. I hope something comes your way…keep thinking out of the box and be open to new ideas and temporary solutions.
mark
Thanks Mark, you’re right, I need to get out of the house more. And although I lack motivation I know the exercise would be good for my brain and body. I’m going to work on that.
Gaelyn, I’m sorry to hear about your plight. I’m glad I have a hobby now or I would be going nuts. Journal making gives me a purpose now. Hang in there. Do keep in touch.
Thank you. Hobby is good and I have plenty of those but no guarantee of income from them.
Oh dear but I know how you feel and it must be depressing. I cannot understand why North Rim do not jump at the chance to have you back. I guess that you need to apply all over, but all 13 National Parks should jump at the chance of having you working for them. Fingers and toes crossed that all will be well and things will be on the up next year. Take care, warm hugs from us both. Nigel and Diane
This has been a year for depression. I have applied to the North Rim again, just not sure I Want to go back there.
Surely you already know about camp hosting. With your experience you would make a great camp host. Pick a place where you want to be and make a few phone calls or send a resume. We worked for the BLM in Red Rock NCA – free space and utilities and about $1500 a month tax-free income. Not huge money, but it made the ends meet. Wishing you the best.
Thanks. I do know about camp hosting. However, from my experience it’s usually free site and no money plus most want couples. Sounds like you scored. I will keep looking at this possibility.
Join Workamper News (www.workamper.com) and get emails on camp host opportunities. Hundreds across the country. I estimate about 1/3 offer free site AND pay.
You are such a good person. I surely hope something will break soon. It’s horrid looking for work.
One day at a time, give yourself a break. I feel so badly for all that happened this year. A new one dawns. All the best. xo
Thanks Jenn. I would much rather work than look for work.
Good morning, Gaelyn. Reading your post was sad but encouraging. It is really hard to stay energized and keep moving forward when you keep hitting roadblocks. I, like others, cannot believe that a 30 year career can just blow up in smoke without any appreciation for all that you did. I cannot imagine looking for work at this time in life. As someone else said, you have that against you, but in addition you have the continued reduction of the federal workforce going against you as well. Such nasty times. On a happy note, I am glad you have your kitty to cuddle. For a non cat person I would say you are doing quite well. One more thing, I am going to echo Mark about getting out. Some time ago, maybe I was in my 50’s or something, I went through a horrid life crash that left me depressed and barely able to function for several months. I finally started walking every day, at least an hour, alone in the mountains. Something happened after some weeks or months, I don’t remember which, but I am going to go get what I wrote about it and send it to you privately. It can heal you, it really can. Sounds crazy I know, and if you aren’t an exercise buff like Mark you might not believe it. But give it a try if you haven’t already. I am sure you are a little bit active being the kind of person you are, but consistent daily practice is like a meditation. Just a thought.
I certainly am tired of hitting walls, especially at this age. Trying to hang on to the positive idea that something will break eventually. BTW, I’m not non-kitty, just hadn’t had one in a very long time and wasn’t exactly looking for a pet or would have had one. She is wonderful and brings me joy. I know Mark, and you, are right. Been looking at the warmest part of the day for getting out and will continue to try and motivate. Maybe today? I do like to walk/saunter, just not on the streets. Thank you for your concern and compassion. It really helps.
I’m with Mark… hit the trail for stress relief and mental clarity.
Exposure: Expose yourself to new stimuli like a walk through an arts/craft district/market.
You have a great portfolio of your photographic efforts/talents. Maybe greater exposure could result in more sales. The architectural/designer/interior markets could result in more sales.
As an architect/designer I can easily see one of your panoramic photos being used to cover a wall in the residential and commercial interior applications.
Revisit that last fork in the road. Some times the leg of the fork not taken could lead to new opportunities.
It is hard to suggest any viable ways to hopefully help someone with a personally situation, it is at best like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack. At worst, ignoring the warning of ‘Quick Sand Ahead’.
Agree, I need to get outside more, and I’m working on that. Which will hopefully get me out of this stupid pit I’ve put myself in. I am admittedly not the best at self marketing. I have a photography website and post in other venues as well. I am not in a position to invest financially, and even established photographers these days struggle to make a living other than selling people on workshops and tours. Thanks for the support.
I agree about the importance of getting out and doing something physical every day. For me if I can’t walk, hike, bike, or play pickleball daily I am not a happy camper.
My only other thought is that perhaps until a job comes up there might be someplace in the area where you could volunteer for a few hours a week. Always lifts the spirit to help others, whether they be humans or animals 🙂
You are right, I need to get out.
Gaelyn,
My two cents worth…have you taken a look at working for Grand Teton Lodge Co. in Grand Teton National Park? They have many different positions available at various levels of experience and pay grades.Check them out here…https://www.gtlc.com/the-park/employment
They have a campground for employees or dormitories.L’m sure they would value your experience.
Thank you, I have not. Although I’ve considered applying to other park concessions. So I’ll add this one to my list. Have you worked there?
Yes I worked there for 5 summer seasons as their telephone tech.
Oh boy…..this sounds familiar. My sister who is 58 worked for the post office. She took some time off (long story) and now has a heck of a time even getting an interview to go back somewhere. Honestly, she can’t even get hired at the dollar stores etc. ..can’t even get an interview. I don’t know what is going on but thinking after Christmas it is going to get even harder to find a job….I am sorry to say especially for an older person. I took my social security at 62 and have never regretted it….
I actually applied for a post office job in Yarnell, but didn’t get it. I really hate to think I’m too old to work. I’m crossing fingers for a summer Ranger job. Then could file for social security the next year.
Hoping the best for you in 2019. You are way to talented, knowledgable and COOL to be in lock down.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Being in a small community that is probably also financially challenged really limits the options for viable employment, no matter how motivated you might be. Reality sucks. But……
1) You are an amazing educator – both knowledgeable and smart – and really fun to listen to.
2) You have mobile housing.
3) You have a mobile pet.
4) You have experience with the national parks programs.
5) You have small business experience.
6) You have computer skills.
7) You are an experienced traveler.
8) You have photography skills, including inclusion in Nat Geo publications.
9) You have good energy that people are drawn to.
10) You have passion for good causes.
Someone is looking for all those things, and would be thrilled to find them in one person. Roll up your sleeves, and put yourself out there. Use that time in front of the computer to market yourself.
In the meantime, I’ll keep my eyes and ears open too!
Reality does suck. I truly am looking for a job and know I have marketable skills, not locally. Thank you for the swift kick in the ass that I so often need and only friends can give.
Howdy! I’ve been a lurker of your blog off and on for some time. I have a few thoughts…
First things first. Rule #1. If you find yourself deeper and deeper in a hole of depression, STOP DIGGING!!!
Second, quit talking that “it’s something I need to do” and JUST DO IT. Maybe it’s not exercise as Mark would define it. But pick something that gets you away and free to get your juices flowing. Maybe it’s a drive, a walk or a bike ride. Something. More than once. Routinely is the key.
Third, quit looking for a “job”. Make a plan as to what will get you from A to B. “A” is where you are now. “B” is the exact date that you will receive your first age – deferred S.S. check. Actually plan how to get there. Try to make North Rim happen. Make it part of the plan. Then, if you get rehired, use IT to leapfrog to something else WHILE your doing it
And, finally, don’t suffer from preconceived notions. Like one of your commenters mentioned, we also spent this past summer camp hosting for the Forest Service in Wyoming, very near the Tetons. A Host site with full hookups and $1500 a month tax free for us as a couple. $750 a month for a single. They DO want singles. And in spite of tight budgets, we’ve been asked to come back next summer. By the time we were done, we had banked $6,000. TAX FREE. Boom!! You can make this happen. By networking, with us or others, maybe our Forest Supervisor dude, or somebody elses, may know of something.
Gaelyn: Pardon me but…get off you pitutty, get out of your funk, quit talking about it and, to quote Nike, JUST DO IT!
Any questions?
Thanks Ed, I needed that. I’ve been in this funky hole for way too long and that’s why I finally wrote about it. Part of the problem is not being able to make a decision and continue to pay bills without an income. The six month on and six off plan had been working so well for so long. I have applied to the North Rim, among other western parks I’d like to work at over the summer. Now to make some choices about winter, and JUST DO IT.
Losing your very best friend is no small thing, Gaelyn. Be gentle.
The job/workforce reality has changed a great deal for people in their 50s and 60s. If you can, call your former supervisor at the GCNR and have a chat via a phone call? Sometimes, the personal networking can yield results.
I still have my best friend, who lives in another state. I cannot imagine not being able to contact her nor to hear her voice ever again.
Be gentle. Grieve. Love yourself, and go out for walks. The suggestions re: camp hosting sounds viable, to get you through to 65.
With much empathy. <3
Thanks. I’ve been gentle all summer. And just a little concerned about the lack of income to pay bills. I have applied to the NR, along with other western parks I like. I need a little over another year to get to 66 for social security and paid off debt. Then, I can decide whether I want to work or not. Being without my best friend to talk to has been a real bitch. Takes a long time to build that kind of friendship, as you know.