I’ve felt stuck in a rut for several months, even before Berta left for Portland (more on that). Same thing everyday. Feels like the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day; wake up, coffee, cat, computer, eat, eat, eat, goodnight. It’s been extremely hard to get excited about anything with my best friend dying, no job, and generally feeling like I lost my identity. But I’m finally working on getting un-stuck.
I wrote about the local wildlife last month and am still seeing them around. Cottontail bunny shows up about an hour before sunset. Hung a second hummingbird feeder that I can see from the door. While out watering I saw a coyote climb out of the wash to the opposite side.
Sierra caught a lizard and brought it into the house. Then of course she lost it because she really just wants to play with them. Oh boy, now we have another new roommate. It’s tail broke off and was laying on the floor with just a little movement before I threw it away. Hope the poor thing isn’t looking for that and thank goodness they grow back. About an hour later Sierra re-caught the poor tailless lizard but wouldn’t take it outside. So, I trapped it with my handy dandy glass and cardboard and managed to spare its life. Ants, scorpions, spiders, flies, and cockroaches. I would so rather be in my own house on wheels.
I’ve taken a lot of sunset and moonrise shots this past winter from the yard and just down the street in Yarnell. For something different I drove part way down SR89, the Yarnell Hill, to a turn-around near the original overlook to the valley below. According to a local friend, the cement slab I walked across used to be a tourist shop for the view, snacks and such. Another piece of Yarnell history.
From here I enjoyed a colorful sunset. And according to PhotoPills the full moon would rise behind a couple of towers on Rich Hill. Sadly, the app needed recalibration so instead it was vegetation on the ridge-line in front of the moon. But at least I was un-stuck from my usual shooting location, for that night.
My 4th of July excitement included the glow by blacklight of a ½” scorpion hiding in a crack by the AC unit. I sprayed it with the Terro scorpion killer. The next morning in the kitchen I killed two more cockroaches on the floor, and a ¼” scorpion in the sink. The later death by hot coffee. This is getting very old. Later, I took the Terro scorpion spray outside and sprayed cracks along the house where I killed another ¼”er.
That night, after a colorful sunset, I started sleeping in my bug and scorpion free camper. Too difficult to move Sierra, she’s doesn’t like to picked up, so she sleeps in the house for now and greets me at the door in the morning when I come in to start coffee, computer and fresh cat food and water. Slept good and am un-stuck from the creepy bed.
I made the mistake of stepping on the scale and weigh in at 148 pounds. I’ve never weighed that much in my life. No wonder my clothes don’t fit. Between quitting smoking a year ago and inactivity the pounds just stuck around. I’m not happy about this, so…
Time to start walking. I forgot how nice and peaceful it is in the Weaver Mountains outside my door.
The only tracks I saw on the dry hard-packed dirt road belonged to deer, javelina, coyote or dog. Felt like no person had passed in a while. I made noise occasionally so not to startle anyone.
I wandered to a place I’d never been before because I saw a windmill, and it had a cow skull hanging on it. How weird. This area I walk in is behind a gate. Lots of 4-9 acres are plotted out but there’s no utilities and no one living out here. However it did look like someone at least tried where the windmill is along with some rusty wrecks and a small uninhabited building. Sadly, 7:30 is already too late to go walking with our summer temperatures in the 90s. Not sure I’m ready to be out any earlier, yet.
Finally rain is coming into the country. Friday afternoon wind driven clouds brought a cool caress, thunder, lightning, a refreshing aroma, and maybe three drops of rain. This followed by a clear day with a few teaser clouds at sunset.
Sunday afternoon the storm returned and I drove north to shoot it. Never got out of the car because it came down hard with very high winds. Turned around in only three miles at Peeples Valley then parked for a while at the Yarnell Dollar Store lot and watched the storm approach. The wind and rain came hard and quick only lasting about 30 minutes.
After dark began a gentler rain pushed by wind with thunder and lightning. I felt the rumbles throughout my body. Cool breezes wafted through the open windows. The fresh smell opened my mind. Light shows in the three directions I could see. Right then, glad for a dry place to be and not have to drive anywhere because I could get stuck in the mud. Hope no fires start.
The biggest rut I’m currently stuck in is not traveling. Four months of going nowhere is just not like me. That’s the next thing I need to work on.
Update on Berta: Since saying goodbye as she boarded the airport shuttle May 15th, life for Berta is slip sliding away. At first she still felt good although sleeping more and even thought about returning to Arizona. We all knew that wouldn’t happen. A month passed with little change. Hospice visits four days a week for about an hour to help out Berta’s daughter. But that’s not enough, she needs more help and is exhausted mentally and physically. Berta and I spoke briefly towards the end of June, mostly to reassure each other of our love. She’s still here physically but doesn’t know what is going on around her. We all pray she will soon leave this world peacefully.
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Oh dear me Gaelyn. what a dilemma that you still have no job. This must be so disheartening for you. Its no god me saying have you another hobby because your job seems to be involved with so much to cover almost all hobbies you are likely to be interested in. Such as those astounding photo’s you take and the travelling which I know you miss. I take my hat off to you for at least trying to get out of the doldrums. One idea comes to mind you may like to think about. Are there enough people around you who would be interested in you teaching them photography or you even giving lectures about this subject. Just a thought. Anyway I do hope that a permanent job comes your way soon. Good luck Gaelyn. Keep the Foto Fridays coming.
Thanks for the suggestions and empathy. Being a Park Ranger still feels like part of who I am. Not sure that’s over yet. But sure did upset my summer. I’d probably be in a better head space if not worried about income. And of course that supports my love to travel. Yarnell is a town of 400-600 retired people that love to attend lectures about almost anything, for free. I’ll just keep working on change.
I can understand how you feel, the wandering gypsy in you is not used to being in one place for any length of time. I thought that by now a job would have turned up with all the knowledge you have. The powers that be must have made it very difficult for many people who might be jobless this year!
Love all your photos and the full moon, despite not being where you expected it to be, is amazing.
Sorry about the latest Berta news, it must be very hard for you that she now does not know what is going on around her. Take care, hugs from us both, Nigel and Diane
P.S. Just put a comment on Foto Friday with no problem, but then this one I had to use your method of the using the TAB !!!!
Sadly, it’s not a good time of year to get a Ranger job, but already be working. Thanks, I need to learn not to have expectations then I won’t be disappointed.
Have you found out any updated news on your job history situation with the parks? I couldn’t believe that when you spoke about it a few months ago. I read about two other fulltime travelers that have come off the road the past year and one the past few months … it’s a hard adjustment to make. If my hounds didn’t drag me out of the house 2-3 times per day, I’d probably go insane. It’s hard to blog about things when living a stationary lifestyle. Maybe some short day trips would help make a difference.
In May I earned my rehire status back for the North Rim but the season had already started and my boss decided not to bring me back this year. I’m not ready to be off the road yet but when I am, Yarnell could be the place.
Oh my. I hear you. I burned out caring for mom and dad. Ended up over weight (inactivity) and depressed. An official retirement didn’t help as I lost my navigation and purpose. BLogging saved me, as I photograph what I can in my world, and research it. I’m not a traveler, and love my routines.
I changed my attitude from being angry with the situation and looking at it as an opportunity. I gave myself permission to simply enjoy my freedom. Then hubby was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I tell you. You just never know!
All the best.
I don’t know how caregivers do it on a full time basis. They must be part Saint. I do sometimes feel angry about what’s going on but remind myself that will do no good. I believe you have more patience than I. Thanks for commenting Jenn.
Never thought of using the tab key to see if the cursor would move to the right place but it seems to work!
You have a lot of reasons to feel sad and stuck in a rut these days. Maybe a short trip to someplace cooler, like the Mogollon Rim, with new scenery to photograph, would help you feel better.
It is hard to exercise when the temperature is so hot and you are not a really early morning person.
Hang in there.
Me either, but if it works… I’m plotting.
Sorry you are stuck, sounds like you are stirring again. Kind of hard to go anywhere when you are cat sitting.
Sorry about your friend Berta. I know several people who are in various stages of dying. You are a good friend to her.
Take care
I’ve gone beyond “cat sitting” to being owned.
This is a test to see if I can Comment.
I also express commiseration on the job situation, that is IF you want a job. This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It is just possible that you will find that you don’t want a job. Maybe need one NOW but will start looking forward to the day when you don’t.
Thanks Ed. I loved my job. And even though tired of working I can’t afford to retire quite yet.
I read this yesterday and couldn’t get on my computer so opted to wait to post until I could now that I can. It’s so much easier than a phone. I too am stunned that you have a summer with no Ranger Job. What’s with your boss? I think my feelings would be hurt over that decision and I can definitely see how I’d fall into a rut.
Would you like to do a winter stint somewhere for a change or is it too late for that too? I can hear how unsettled you are in your post and am happy that you felt free enough to share your feelings. I wonder how well I will do when I have to stay in one place. I don’t get to do as much far and wide traveling as I’d like but no moving might send me into a serious funk.
Your pictures are moody and perfect for the post. I love your photography. Scorpions would send me running to my camper as well. How did Berta ever do it?
I agree with others that if you could just hit the road for a bit to a cooler spot it might perk you up but what to do about Sierra? Glad you saved the lizard. That picture of her is too funny.
What will happen to her and to Berta’s house and things ultimately? Sending inspiration and strength your way.
Trust me, I really don’t understand why my boss decided I couldn’t come back this season after working 10 summers and missing three days of training this year. I have no idea what I did to piss her off, but sure pissed me off. Especially as by mid-May it was rather late to get another Ranger job. I’ve actually applied to Joshua Tree for a winter gig. No guarantees. Wouldn’t be so bad playing for a summer if I didn’t have to worry about money.
I really don’t know how Berta lived with all the critters. Yesterday there was a huge tarantula outside and this morning a gopher snake at the door. I gotta’ get out of this place. Sierra will have to learn to travel. Don’t know about the house. Berta’s daughter will get to deal with that. Thanks for your support.
With your experience and ‘virtual’ following I too am surprised that you are not at the top of all the vacancy lists. Cal Parks are way-way understaffed (IMHO) and under-funded too. But fingers crossed that you land a position soon.
Back-in-the-day … before there was a mouse, the TAB key was used jump to the next box and Shift-TAB to the previous. Both still are still functional, I only had to do it once and clicked the Save my info check box. No issues since.
Always hard to say how employees are selected. Too late for this summer season. Maybe I’m just getting too old.
Nice to know the tab trick worked and that there is a save info box.
Your post was like the photos, moody and dark with light shining through sometimes. I can’t imagine living with all those bugs, would drive me crazy too, and I would end up in the camper for sure. If money were no consideration, you could maybe get some kind of exterminator, but that would be bad for you, bad for your environment, and bad for your finances…still…no bugs? I have a love hate relationship with trying to be as organic as possible until things start getting into my house, then all thoughtfulness goes out the window and I spray something around the base…home defense or something like that. I am just so sorry for what is shaping up to be a hard summer for you, in spite of that gorgeous rock you keep photographing. And really, Gaelyn, is anyone else contributing to Arizona Highways?? More support coming from me.
Thanks, guess I got my feelings across. I’m not paying for an exterminator and don’t want to pile anything else on Berta’s daughter right now. Problem pretty well solved by sleeping in the camper. I really do appreciate your support. And yes, lots of people post to the AZ Highways FB page.
I’m really sorry about all you’re dealing with right now. Sometimes life sure does pile on more than it seems like we can handle. Hope things improve for you soon.
When it rains, it pours. Only means it has to get better. Thank you for your concern.
Last week we were in Philly and NYC. While in Philly we visited Independence Hall. While Abi stood in line for us I rambled a bit and found my way to the original supreme court house (I think that was it) and ended up having a nice conversation with a Park Ranger. I very briefly explained what had happened with your job and he had great empathy for your situation, also saying it happened to them as well and no one was notified. Dirty deal he said. He suggested (and you already know this) that it is no longer safe to put all of your eggs in one basket, apply to multiple parks. As I said, a very nice conversation.
Is there something (other than the love of your friend) holding you at Berta’s?
The tab over trick seemed to work, fingers crossed!
I knew a lot of Park Rangers got caught up in that mess. I won’t ever rely on rehire status again, or just one park.
At first I stayed in the house to get better acquainted with my new owner, Sierra. I’ve also been trying not to spend being I’m not working. This will change soon. So glad the new trick worked. Go figure.