For the most part, my blogging has been a happy hobby to share the places I go, the job that I dearly love as a Park Ranger, and hopefully encourage others to follow their hearts. Mostly upbeat, I share the best of how I feel. But lately I’ve been feeling in a slump. I am not looking for sympathy. Just trying to be honest, with you, and myself.
Since returning from my winter travels I’ve felt unmotivated. Work is good, we are busy. I recently met two, mostly non-commenting, blog readers that love my stories and photographs. Jo from nearby St. George and Kathryn from France who spends part of the year RVing in the US with her husband and part in France near the Alps. She thanked me for my inspiration. Always feels good that the blog is appreciated by people and maybe inspires them to follow their passions and dreams. Yet lately, I haven’t had any dreams.
The future is as hazy as the view at Point Imperial. Like the wind blown tree hanging onto the edge of Grand Canyon I’m feeling a struggle within.
2017 top and 2014 bottom
Like the waters of Greenland Lake, changing over time, sometimes full, and other times empty.
How easily seeds are blown away as part of the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.
Sometimes I feel like an island surrounded by rocks of confusion.
I want to be more like the river, not just flow, but with direction.
Been feeling confused about the path I should take.
Something is missing.
Sometimes I just feel like crawling into a cave and disappearing.
Yet there would be no shadows without the light.
And hopefully, at the end of the day, it will be alright.
Is it just the change in the seasons? Or is the change in me? Time to get honest.
We’ve been full-time RVing for about a year. Before, I thought full-time RVing was like being on perpetual vacations. It’s obviously not. I found that taking a “vacation” by doing something entirely different than everyday pace is necessary. Hope you found what you need. Best wishes.
Thank you Keng. No matter how you live, it’s still life. I’m on a quest. I guess just like everyone else.
Thanks for your honesty. Many of us have been living vicariously though your posts and life. I love your passion for what you do. I don’t RV but have been growing to love the area, visiting several times a year to photograph. Don’t give up on having meaning, but maybe it is added meaning? Best to you. Will see you later this summer taking photo’s with friend Lynda…… Doug
Thank you. I haven’t given up yet Doug, just been feeling lost. Think it’s time to make a few changes. Let me know when you’re coming to the canyon.
I know that feeling well Gaelyn, it comes and goes with me just lately. I feel like I need a break from blogging, but then I miss not walking around and not taking photos to share with other people. I still have masses to catch up on as well. I have not touched ‘My Life Before’ for many moons because I have not had the time to sit and go through old photos, or get my brain into gear as to what happened that far back. South Africa still looms up and I want to share that, but with travels in Charente coming first, I am still struggling to get through all the photos I took. Maybe I should just do a separate blog for RSA and those who are interested will follow it. The daily blog is relatively simple by comparison as no research and few words!
I for one would seriously miss you if you took a break from blogging, but you must follow your heart and do what is best for you and I hope that making changes does not mean no blog.
Take care and find yourself again. Warm hugs Diane
Thanks you Diane. I don’t know how you keep up with two blogs already. Both I dearly love to read. I really don’t want to quit blogging. And do love to take photos, when they come out good. I’m my own worse critic in that regard. I too am behind going through photos, currently labeling from seven months ago. Life seems rather routine these days. I need to do some soul searching and find a new goal to work towards. Hugs back at you both.
Have you considered attending a Bible based church? I’m sure the North Rim has a weekly non-denominational service that you may enjoy. I’m not trying to be preachy or a bible thumper but having Christ as a daily companion makes a real difference for me.
Something to consider.
Thank you for the suggestion but I’m really not of the religious bent. I do respect that it works for others. I need to explore possibilities.
Well, whatever you decide I like your photos. You do just the right amount of editing. I think I’m close to your age also. I think it’s the age we are. We have probably done what we wanted the last few years. We set ourselves up to fulfill our dreams. But, we don’t have new dreams. I can’t think of anything I really want to do next. I’m getting a little bored with status quo.
Thank you Sally. It does seem like I made it to the last goal and am now struggling to find the next one. I also find too much routine boring.
Pretty series. I love the shots of the canyon and the last sky shot.
Thank you.
Maybe it’s time to make those wheels turn again and find new places to explore. That is quite a large continent to explore and a change of scenery might just fit the bill.
Be Safe and Enjoy!
It’s about time.
I do love to travel and explore. However, I am committed to my job until mid-October. Maybe working on a fall/winter journey will help.
Maybe you need a “big change trip” like your trip to South Africa. Or not quite so big. Alaska? Or South America in our winter?
Planning a big trip is always exciting for me and I have considered South America. A little too cold in Alaska during my winter but it is also on my list for after full retirement. Right now I think the quest need to come more internally. Thank you for the suggestions.
I have been feeling a bit like that myself. I’m finding it more difficult to find excuses why I’m not doing the things I was always going to do ‘some day’. With reluctance I logged back in to Memrise.com yesterday and picked back up the Spanish I was studying there. I looked at the 20+ courses I had put in my queue and sighed. I started back on the University Mathematics course I briefly started. Funny, after using my mind a bit I felt better. I’m going to work on this stuff a bit every day, I hope. The math class is because I’ve always felt under educated about basic math due to some bad experiences in high school and it feels like a box I’d like to check. Maybe time to learn something totally different for you? Lots of free stuff on the internet.
The Name area won’t let me fill in info, so if this comes in as Anon, it is really Shadowmoss
Good for you to get back in learning mode. Although I have to admit Math is not a subject I like, also partly because of experiences in youth. Learning something new is always exciting. So I thank you for the suggestion.
Have any relationships, friendships, in your life changed? That alone can affect any of us. Or, did your winter travels stir up “the call of the road”, so it may be hard to be parked this summer? That gray ribbon of highway always calls to me. 🙂
I think it was the winter travels which stirred up my hitch itch. I’ll have the camper back on the truck soon and will be able to play at least on my weekends. Not easy to be a road warrior when stuck in one place. Even if that place is stunningly gorgeous.
Oh, so true, Gaelyn, about the road! 😉
We are dealing with “home harbor” projects, and we’re feeling a bit trapped. While the coach we live in gets serviced, we’ll go SUrV-ing and tent camping. Cheers to getting your truck camper! That will help a bit! 🙂
Great post. Change as we get older. We also are facing this. We will probably no longer volunteer as our bodies are having a hard time keeping up with the activity. More travel; without the restrictions of volnteer work. More time at our home and more time for glass art projects. We have been home for three months now and can’t wait to be on the road. Thank you for sharing your life and experiences.
Thanks Ann. I don’t want to believe age is slowing me down yet even though I’m learning to accept some physical restrictions. This is more a mind set I need to work on and change. Be well, enjoy your art, and hopefully see you on the road.
A lot of are people feeling this way now, unsettled times we live in, uncertainty about the future in all respects, financial, political, spiritual, etc. I am reluctant to get out of bed and face another boring day, reluctant to go to bed and let go of that day, tired of living alone and yet reluctant to change that. I thinks it’s called drifting, waiting for something to happen instead of making something happen. I just can’t think of something I want to make happen. Too young to quit and too old to start? Love your pictures and the stories you put with them.
You’re right, the current times are unsettling making it more difficult to make plans. Thank you for the compliment about photos and stories. I’m just not sure who you are.
My name is Vicky Massey, for some reason I wasn’t able to leave my name. I’ve been following you for quite a while now, rarely comment though.
Thanks Vicky. The comment problem has been going on for a while and I can’t figure it out. I do appreciate your feedback.
Great post, I’ve sensed a restlessness or aimlessness in your posts for some time. I have no advice except have faith that you will figure it out.
I am going through dissatisfaction also with my professional life. For some reason I have gone from being part of the solution to part of the problem the last three years at work. So I am kind of aimless in my new role. I might could retire but I think I still can contribute at a high level.
Take care!
Thanks Yogi. I know I have to solve this myself. I’m sorry to hear things are not going well for you at work. Maybe it’s time to reinvent ourselves.
As a ranger and a blogger you certainly have contributed to my appreciation of our public lands and the fine folks who live and work there. I think of the North Rim as a destination place, in that there a few options to get out of town. With your truck and camper I trust you’ll be blogging about new forest road adventures next.
Thank you for the lovely compliment. I do believe getting the camper back will help move me to some new, and old, places on the forest and beyond. Travel is in my blood.
I was thrust into retirement in 2012. I wasn’t ready for it, but it happened. And along with having to learn to live as a retiree, I had to do it not being able to do the things I dreamed of doing in retirement. It was very hard to meet the challenges of my situation, and learn to have new dreams. It took a lot of therapy to get my mental and emotional self to an acceptance of the changes. At this point, I still can’t define what my dreams or goals are for the next few years, other than to get my body stronger and in less pain.
We as humans are not programmed for change. We are habitual creatures, just like the mule deer and the bison at the North Rim. Because we are not programmed for change, any change is hard and creates stress. Sometimes that stress manifests itself as restlessness, or as anxiety. Just take a few deep breaths, stretch your arms and legs, and fall into the change, whatever it may be, and enjoy the trip.
You’ve been an inspiration in many ways Karen including how you tackle the unplanned changes to your life. It hasn’t been an easy path. Your current goals are commendable. Stress is the worst possible thing for our healing. Hugs!
What a wonderful post with such beautiful pictures to go with your words. Life is definitely full of ups and downs. I do understand that “something missing” feeling and the lethargy of what is it that I want to do. Some of it may be age or at least I had no trouble having too many goals when I was younger. Not sure which is worse, not to know you want or to know and not be able to make it happen. I really appreciate your sharing this.
Thank you Sherry. Seems many of us have the “wondering” feeling. I’m glad others will share about this. Could be more conversation is needed.
I know this state of mind well. Since you are there until mid-October, what can you do to change up one small thing in your routine? Try a different hobby or a new activity, or learn to sit with what is. The older we get the more challenging certain things are. It’s a big life shift that doesn’t get talked about very much. Hang in there!
Love Loran
Your form won’t let me submit my name.
I’m relieved to know others feel this state of mind and have shared here. I’m starting with a list of ideas to motivate further thought. Thank you for understanding and being part of the conversation.
The comment form has been a problem and is beyond my control.
Hugs
Lovely photos to go with your honest thoughts. Even with all the diversity of travel, there is still a sameness to it. It’s not unusual to wonder what else we could be doing to stimulate and entertain us. I too was going to suggest taking a class, but maybe teaching one would be even better?
The best part is the vast number of options – have fun figuring it out :-)))
Thanks Jodee. I do need to “have fun” figuring it out. Been working on a list of ideas.
Hi Gaelyn. The river doesn’t chart its own course. Maybe you don’t need a plan. I have had similar feelings – love to you, my friend.
Thanks Roxi. I’ve gone with the flow most of my life yet do like planning. Seems many have been here. I might have to start a “life lull” club. Hugs.
Not an easy time to go through.
What about going through your images in your mind or in your files and see what you like photographing the most. Look if you can put these in a theme, go deep in the details and see if you can start studying in depth these details: rocks, trees, different barks, lichens… dead wood… and study about these, put something together… Perhaps even would you like to turn these details into pieces of art (drawings…) Perhaps “Udemy online courses” can help you find a direction.
You are so full of resources, I am sure it’s a question of time to find something meant for You. I wish you the best.
Thank you for the suggestions. I really want to take the photography to another level and need to learn to market myself. Online classes might be good too. I think this is just a “life lull” that has put me on a quest.
I know the comment box doesn’t work for everybody and I apologize for the problem. However, I do wonder who you are.
I am Therese from Chandleratoz…
Thank you. And now you are from tournefeuilleatoz.
Pursue your idea to write a youth book explaining forest vegetative succession after a wild fire.
Thanks. It is on the list.
Your photos and blog are a constant inspiration to others…..making us all feel like we want to get out and see and do more. Perhaps that puts a burden on you that is weighing too much. You may be in a temporary rut but so many of us would like to be at that level. It’s hard to get out of a rut no matter what that rut is…perhaps a new hobby or a slightly different focus would help. I don’t think the constant negativity of politics on FB and the news is taking a real toll on a lot of people. Take a break from it and see the good around you instead of the negative. Take care of yourself first.
Thank you Colleen. I aspire to be an inspiration and am sometimes shocked that it seems to be working for others. You all, are part of my inspiration. I have been in a rut. The current state of political affairs is part of it. Am currently on a quest to climb out of that. I really appreciate all the positive comments. Be well.
I am glad you read what was on my mind…..not what ended up on the page. I DO think the constant negativity of politics on FB.,…..
Taking a break from reading those constant negative comments really helps me. You may even agree with some of the comments but the constant negativity is bad for everyone and accomplishes nothing except a drain on your soul.
I’ve sensed something was up since you’ve returned to the North Rim, Gaelyn. I trust you will find your compass heading and your direction will become clear. Trust that a lot of folks care about you and support you in whatever you decide. 🙂
Thank you both for your concern and support. I’m working through this, as I’ve done before. Hope to come out on the other side a stronger and better person.
We are feeling unsettled as well. Fulltiming has been great, but after almost 9 years some days I wonder what is the point of driving from one place to another. But the thought of a permanent home doesn’t sound appealing, either. I’m sure there is a happy medium that we will find one of these days. Hope you do, too.
Gayle
I’m OK with the fulltiming just need to change some things up a bit in my life. Am working on some ideas. Thanks.
Oh! Do I hear and completely understand!
Have you by chance seen this TedTalk? I came across it a couple of years ago and she could have been talking about me. It was the first time I actually heard someone describe “me”. It took me 30 years to figure out what she already knows about herself at 30. I think you’ll relate to it as well.
https://www.ted.com/talks/emilie_wapnick_why_some_of_us_don_t_have_one_true_calling
Thanks Patti. Will check that out. Guess we’re always reinventing ourselves.