I lost my way for a while. Not going to South Africa this winter caused me a lack of focus for the winter months. Instead I obsessed with getting a camper so I could comfortably travel in the warmer Southwest. And I sat a lot in the desert, not doing or going too much, or at least not every day. Waiting. Seems I do that a lot, waiting. Online waiting for FB. Waiting for parts. Waiting for, sometimes I don’t know what. I lost my way for a while. Adjusting to the lack of direction. Feeling on the edge of anxiety, what to do, where to GO. Not life threatening mind you. Not for the first time in my life. Has this happened to you along life’s journey?
Then one day, amongst all the quiet, my shoulders relaxed as a sign of released tension. Throughout the next several days I truly concentrated on the joys of life, acknowledging each experience with a smile. Over several days the moments of joy became more frequent. I even embraced going to town—not my favorite place to be—for banking and groceries smiling at strangers, and they smiled back. I’ve lost count of the moments and with clearer eyes walk in the desert, a place that seems to struggle to survive, yet that’s so untrue because the life here has adapted to it’s environment, not fought against it. The arid desert requires time and patience with sudden bursts of growth.
Now it feels good, this waiting. Not obsessed with planning, going or doing anything in particular. Pretty much one day at a time. As I left Yarnell, Berta asked how long I’d be gone. I don’t know, whatever it takes. My only commitment starts January 17th outside of Quartzsite meeting friends from various parts of the country where we’ll boondock on the desert and share stories and life.
I can’t just wait for life to happen, but sometimes it feels good to slow down and maybe even stop to access self and look forward.
After a busy summer season of schedules I look forward to downtime and often become a bit of a hermit for a while. Berta usually gives me a week before dragging me happily off to thrift stores with grocery shopping thrown in. Slowly I work into a winter plan, or like the last two years gear up for travels in South Africa. I definitely miss Joan and South Africa and plan to return next winter. Yippee, something to look forward to!
But in the meantime, I am a very Happy Camper, soaking up each day, and discovering I’m not lost, just following an unfamiliar path.
How do you find your way when lost?
Nothing wrong with losing your way. This time of year is difficult for many as we don’t get our usual daily doses of sunlight, I think. I’ll bet you get reoriented soon. I enjoy your stories.
Thanks. I am getting my sun fix here in the desert, which is very important for my health and frame of mind. I think I’ve just about found my way again.
I share your wanderlust and need to have a goal or direction, something to plan, to wrap my mind around. After 3 years of house sitting and traveling and not having a place of our own, and spending 3 months in South Africa, I needed to put down my roots again. We weren’t completely rudderless, knowing that during the school year, we have our grandson (and more to come) to take care of, but just adrift in not having our own place with our own things. We’ve miraculously found a perfect place and put down our roots again. I guess I find my way when I’m lost by going inside and getting clarity, asking myself questions: what’s missing, what do I need, what’s important to me. I watch my discomfort or inability to be happy. I listen to my grumbling. Once I get some clarity, knowing that I’m responsible for my own happiness, I tell the universe what I want and then I wait. Not passively. I may start hunting for a house or whatever, but I know my ‘want’ will be delivered sometimes when I least expect it, but once I get clear for myself, it always comes.
I’m usually more balanced while traveling then in one spot. Always a good idea to look inside, and that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing out here in the desert. Not having a plan is kind of different and something new for me to learn. I’m glad you’ve found a place that makes you happy.
Gaelyn, the last day of school is always mid-June, but I don’t stop fidgeting until the July 4th weekend! Yes…it takes nearly 3 weeks to “decompress”. Then, I pretty much do nothing until early August, when I have to return to school for training…ugh. I enjoy my “down” time! 🙂
I do treasure my ‘down time’ after the work season is over and three weeks sounds about right.
I know how you feel Gaelyn and have felt like that a few times in my life, one very recently. Then I force myself to get up an go out to take pictures and only then do I feel okay again. Right now I am missing the bush and my animals. I really, really need to get to some park where I can revive my soul again. It is lost……..
I guess we all have our up and down times on this rollercoaster called life. I too miss the bush and the animals, which I look forward to seeing again, with you. Get to the bush woman!
Beautiful post Gaelyn! Ah, the “zen” of solo desert boondocking! It had been a few years since I experienced it, and after a hectic year of selling everything to start full-time RVing, and spending my first couple of months with various social engagements, I found myself camped alone in the high desert of Nevada this past November. I figured I’d only be there a couple days, but somehow kept staying longer. The land seemed to have no particularly redeeming qualities– not that photo-worthy, not much variety of plant or animal life. And yet, the vast emptiness of it seemed to fill my soul and slow me down enough to drink it all in. After 10 days, I left refreshed and rejuvenated. Isn’t it cool how Nature has a way of slowing us modern humans down and resetting us into harmony with our surroundings?
Truly, it takes nature to put me in touch with myself and the world. The vastness of the desert lets the mind wander freely. Though I love mountains and forest for a different contemplation. Glad to know I’m not really alone out here.
Sometimes you can lose your way even when you aren’t waiting. I’ve felt that often when I have too many directions pulling me and I lose sight of the beauty of where I am right at that moment in time, then feel guilty for not appreciating what is right within my grasp. A great post, Gaelyn.
Yes, having too much on my plate can stop me from thinking beyond a confusion. Funny, because I love to make plans while still living in the NOW.
Yup that’s totally happened to me, many times. Usually when I transition from one lifestyle to another. It takes time for mind and body to catch up with the flow. Glad you “found” it at last!
Nina
I’m getting in the groove.
There are days I wish I could just sit in the desert and feel the environment around me with no pressures to be anywhere or do anything important. Guess that comes from constantly being in airports and feeling rushed and harried to get to the next destination on time without any hiccups.
One day I will sit in my camper in the desert like you.
Your days will come if you want them. I don’t know how you keep up with all the flying back and forth.
I’ve been wandering for almost three years. I lost my direction, and have been having a really hard tine finding it again.m
I know it’s been a rough few years for you. Yet I just have a feeling you’re going to “reinvent” yourself and find that happy Karen place again. Take care my friend. Big HUgs!
Glad to hear that the desert has worked it’s charms on you.
Have a great trip to Quartzite and give our best to all.
If you return to Anza-Borrego let us know and we will come out
again, maybe for an overnighter or two.
The desert does wonders for my mind.
I’m in Q but unfortunately John & Shirley aren’t going to make this meet. Heath issues. Although they say they are heading to the SW eventually this winter.
Will let you know what, where and when.
Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that the little adventures in life can be just as fulfilling as the huge adventures. Don’t let those huge adventures completely take over your life or you will miss lose so many other adventures that are there just waiting for you to notice them along the way.
You are right, and I had to remind myself of that.
I think I know just what you mean, although it’s different for everyone I think. I lost my way terribly at the beginning of the summer, when I realized first, that my travels had to be put on hold, and later that traveling the way I was, with my dog, was unlikely to be a future option. I think I sulked really. Didn’t seem to have energy or enthusiasm for much, though I tried. In December I had septicemia, and realizing how close I had come to dying, in such an ordinary, undramatic way, put me back on the path. Progress is slow, but I am back on the road. I hope you are too!
I know I’m not alone and sometimes we have to get lost to find our way. I’m sure a near death experience would wake me up. Hope you are back on the mend. I found myself in the desert.
I love this post.
I have a ways to retirement but I think more and more about what I’d do if I didn’t have anywhere to go every day and Heather tells me that I’m not following here around every day.
Heather is so right. You can never be too far from retirement to at least give it some thought.
Another way to look at it is that your body and spirit needed a little ‘hibernation’ time — even if you were in a sunny spot. To recoup after your busy busy summer/fall. It’s not wasted time, its part of the rhythm of life.
I don’t consider it wasted time and you’re right I needed to hibernate. It’s been a good time to energize.
I love your last sentence. You aren’t lost you’re just creating an unfamiliar path. A really thoughtful post Gaelyn. I have felt not anchored or directed many times in my life. I find it very hard to just sit and relax and wait and enjoy. But I’m getting better. It’s clear lost or not, your pictures are wonderful.
I guess we all get lost occasionally. I’m getting better at relax, wait and definitely enjoy.
Sometimes one need to just switch off and loose yourself. I seriously need to do it but its not that easy when you have kids. I’m looking forward to a few work trips this year and will have to at least switch off from home while on a roadtrip… even if its for work.
I remember how difficult it was to run away when I had family. Hope you can fit in some ‘me’ time on those working road trips.
Lovely post, Gaelyn. Our upcoming trip has taken a great deal of planning – more than I’d like – but I just keep looking forward to what’s to come as I slog my way through the process. And yes, I too feel a little lost at times, I think it’s human nature to do so. It keeps us thinking and moving forward though, don’t you think?
I love the planning as much as the journey. I think you’re right that we all get lost once in while so we can be re-found. It is, and has been, an opportunity for my growth.