I had to see it although I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Yet there is beauty to the land amongst the devastation of the Yarnell fire. It is spotty with some homes singed, others flattened and some still standing. Very difficult to wrap my head around.
Saw the recognizable contour of the Weaver Mountains from about 20 miles north. Wasn’t until I approached Peeples Valley that I saw the char between the boulders stark protrusions and the sharp contrast of a ruddy line on scrubby foliage from the air dropped retardant that saved the block-long business district of blink-and-you-missed-it Peeples Valley.
Although State Route 89 had opened to the public that morning traffic was minimal, and not in a hurry. It was though drivers approached Yarnell with a bit of reverence, and I hope respect. The main drag looked like a typical sleepy summer day except for the prolific amount of security presence of fire, police, utility companies, gov agencies and saw-horse signs stating the side roads are closed except to local homeowners.
I crept into town, not really knowing where to start or go. I wasn’t sure my Yarnell drivers license would get me past those signs with only a PO box. Yet no one stopped me as I barely rolled through the 4 blocks of town.
I stopped at friend Patty’s bead and antique store because she was open. I knew her home survived. We chatted about the activities of the last week while I waited for a call from Berta so we could rendezvous somewhere. I felt a sense of calm, or maybe procrastination to enter the fire struck part of the community where I live half the year.
No one stopped me at the road closed sign into Glen Illah and I followed a rig with a “media 5” decal from somewhere. That made me a little angry, but I soon slowed to no more than 3 mph stunned by what spread around me and forgot all else.
A building standing surrounded by charred remains as if the fire knew where the property lines of man lie. APS trucks and bulldozers everywhere, people working to restore some sense of sanity.
At Berta’s request I first drove by another friends devastated home where he were supposedly digging in the ash but had instead realized the job was too big so I didn’t find him. I slowly made a loop around one of the many curvy roads to head for my own driveway.
Both sides of the road had these geometric silvery shapes with very little topography, maybe a tireless car and the twisted remains of fence. Yet still the scattering of other homes still standing amongst the burn.
The low scrub gone, a layer of charcoal on the hard baked ground, and stark silhouettes of the various height oak exposed the rounded boulders suddenly standing out more than ever. Almost a winter scene on negative film. A cleansing has occurred.
As I drove over the wash the view was open due the loss of foliage and I could see a silly natural wood and stone sculpture placed on a large boulder years ago, untouched.
Friend and neighbor Gail’s house stands as before, and she has water to be boiled as the systems are repaired yet won’t return until the power is back on. The spottiness of charred ground caused confusion.
My shed stands with a new patina, doors open. But it’s not the first place I head. Instead I just wander around trying to take this in.
Finally, I just have to look. This small tin shed, packed floor to ceiling with boxes and tubs of I’m not even sure what anymore has been reduced to an eight inch blanket of white ash. Vaporized. Several ceramic bowls and crocks lay at the opening, mostly brittle and cracked although a few seem fine if not just a little dirty. Mom’s cookie jar smiles out of the gloom.
I wasn’t wearing the right footwear to step into this mess yet couldn’t stop from stirring in the closest ashes and discovered a few spared treasures.
It took a while to walk to Berta’s not because of the physical distance. Her house has always been a second home to me.
Yet it is a dangerous structure right now so I didn’t venture too closely.
So many inconsistencies. Such a feeling of confusion.
Now time to clean up. Many volunteers and locals help with clearing up the remains. Think I’ll buy a cheap pair of boots at the thrift store, get a shovel and rubber tubs to save the ashes until I have more time to sift through it all.
And when the new growth returns, as it will, new beauty will surround our currently stark and charred neighborhood. Life goes on in this ever changing world.
Oh, Gaelyn, I have no words, yet wanted to let you know somehow that I felt yours, deeply. I wish healing for you and your friends in the midst of the confusion and ashes. I can’t even imagine…
Thank you. Words are tough right now.
Impossible to imagine all the range of feelings you must be feeling even as you wrote the words. Rebuilding, Regrowing and Resettling will come in time. The Earths resiliency is amazing. We humans need recovery time. Take all the time you need. Being there for one another is a wonderful way to begin. I am so sorry that you all are going through this.
Yes, rebuilding will happen and life will return to Yarnell.
I recognize some of this from our little hike we took when I was there just a few weeks ago. Gosh I can’t believe it!!
The mountains aren’t very hikeable right now, but will be again.
If I am in shock after your photographs and words, I know you must be in a much deeper state of shock! You are in our thoughts and so is your friend Berta! OMG is all I can seem to say…. over and over and over!
Thank you. The shock will wear off eventually.
Wow, I can see why you can’t get your head around it. Talking to people who live in areas where tornadoes have flattened areas they experience something similar. If they were away from home they have trouble finding where their houses used to be because the landmarks are gone. Plus 50 yards away the houses are fine.
That’s sort of what it’s like here too.
Gaelyn, I thought of you when they televised the funeral proceedings for the firefighters. The force of the fire, the devastation, the loss of homes and lives. Somehow, you seeing Mom’s cookie jar made me smile. Poor Berta – there is a lot of cleaning up and rebuilding to do. Life can and does turn and change in an instant.
Thank you Barb. I sifted thru some ashes today and found a few things whole plus a lot of interesting looking glass melted to metal for a Yarnell fire art project.
There are no words. I wanted to see the funeral proceedings but I was up in the White Mountains at a youth camp helping out. I kept being amazed at how incredibly dry it was even up there and one woman in the post office said they were sadly lacking in rain. She said Flag was getting it all. It’s heartbreaking. Barb is right – life can change in the wink of an eye. 🙁
Yes, life can change very quickly.
This really is strangely beautiful – I wouldn’t have guessed that. It must have been so eerie walking around there!
Was eerie and sad yet there is beauty left also.
I’m so sorry for your and everyone’s losses. I would love to go to Yarnell again now but don’t feel like outsiders should be there yet.
Thank you Candace. Too true there are many looky lus, but many volunteers to help folks out too.
Such a brittle world we live in, where the loss of the physical signposts in our life spaces is as hard to fathom as the losses of physical things connected to us. It is only some solace to know THIS item survived if we don’t know what other “this-es” accompanied it. I hope you find more than your mother’s cookie jar and that Yarnell’s connected community can pull itself through the all the other losses.
Well said. Today I found a few more isolated “this-es” next comes sifting. The town will survive and the neighborhood is working together.
Wish I lived closer to pitch in and help!
Thank you for thinking of us all.
Oh Gaelyn I’m having so much internet trouble I just got this up to read it and I’m feeling so much sorrow and shock over what everyone has lost. I know the land will return and the “things” aren’t that important but still what a sad sad feeling for you to see your home so charred. My heart goes out to you.
Thank you Sherry. Many people in the neighborhood were working to clean up today. There will be many more days of this.
You expressed your feelings well…so sad to hear of Berta’s loss and your loss as well. However, I am thankful that both of you are o.k. The fire was tragic beyond what could have been imagined. Hugs…
Thank you. We are thankful for all the lives spared.
I’m so sorry for your loss and wish you the strength of spirit with your neighbors to rebuild Yarnell.
Thank you Cheryl. Strong spirit is already seen in Yarnell as much clean up has begun.
What a terrible journey for you to make. It’s a hard thing to lose so much that you cherish. It’s good to hear that cleanup is starting, but there is a long road ahead for all of you. You are right that in a few years nature will have brought new growth and beauty to what has burned. Here after a fire, the first thing that grows is the fireweed, and it covers the ground with a glorious sea of pink. My prayers are with you and all of Yarnell and the families of the 19 firefighters.
A fire is burning now along one of our rural roads, mostly on military land, but so far 84,000 acres have burned and it’s only 25% contained. We’ve had a little rain this last week, but we’re back to warmer weather tomorrow. There’s 800 firefighters working on the fire right now, and hopefully they can make more progress. Even after they knock it down though it will have to be watched as it can flare up later in the summer. They’ve evacuated people once and then let them go back home, but they are still on evacuation watch. As I’ve listened to the news, I try to think what I would pack as the things most important to me. Really though things you can replace, and it’s the safety of family and friends that is most important.
I love the fireweed but it doesn’t grow in this chaparral.
Sure hope everyone is OK from this, and other fires.
Gaelyn this must be so difficult for you and your pictures really choke me up. I just cannot imagine how everyone, including yourself, in Yarnell must feel. So many wasted lives and home ruined. Hope your weekend is better for you than how these photos look Take care Diane
It will get better for all of us.
Though the devastation is great and poignantly painful, the sun still rises tomorrow and in the end effect, only life itself is important. Fire really is very cleansing, devastating, but cleansing. It sweeps our possessions away with an iron hand yet somehow lifts a weight of our shoulders no longer to have the responsibility for them. I hope you find some of your precious things. Do your best not to make my mistake by getting too much new stuff to overcompensate.
Hugs . . . Arija
I’ll let Berta be the over-shopper as she’ll have a newly built home in the future. I do feel that my load is lightened even though I am sad at its loss.
Gaelyn, you have written a truly moving piece here. And, yes, sending you hugs.
Cheryl Ann
Thank you Cheryl Ann. We will all survive.
So much devastation this summer……Moore OK, Colorado, Yarnell. Glad you are able to see beyond it.
Guess that’s all we can do.
Gaelyn, I’m so sorry your friend has lost her home and you lost a storage unit with what had to be a lot of precious memories. I’m glad you’re thinking ahead to the new growth that inevitably comes after the fire and ash.
Berta has found a house to rent in Yarnell and will rebuild. I found a few treasures today amongst the ashes.
What a damn tragedy! It must have been hard to go to what is left of your home and your frieds and neighbors. You gals are tough ya know. MB
At first not easy, but now I almost feel a relief of not having stuff in storage.
So so sorry for your and your loss. Life is stronger but still… Hope you have friends and people to help you cope with all this.
Thank you. The community is my family and many volunteers have stepped forward to help.
I am still shocked and speeceless at all this. Looking at that I don’t think its always the physical loss of the house and general content, but the loss of memories. Photos, documents, pieces with sentimental value….. That is the sad part for me.
Truly the loss of irreplaceable physical memories.
Gaelyn, I’ve been way behind in reading blog posts etc. so I was stunned when I checked yours today. Thankful to read that you’re okay. Wow, now I know why Yarnell rang a bell when I heard about the terrible loss of lives on the news. Take care, sweetie.
Thanks Ealine. It looks very different in Yarnell. Some will rebuild and some will not. But with the first rains green shoots could be seen. Although I lost the contents of my storage shed, my RV home was and is safely parked at the canyon. Guess that’s one way to lighten the load.